Dull Moments???? Nah!

I've been told a few times by my SIL that we need a reality TV show crew at our house.  And oftentimes I agree with her. Not to be boastful or think our life is "all that interesting" but sometimes...well....it really IS that interesting.

Case in point:  Last night.

Lets begin, shall we?  Yesterday was a normal day..a day we got up and the girls and I had our typical arguments about getting ready for school on time, we made our cereal, we scrambled to get our winter gear on and actually make it to the bus on time.  See..the day before Little A had missed the bus because of being lazy and I had declared she was grounded yesterday as a result of that.  So this particular morning,  I was making it VERY clear she should not miss the bus again. 

This isn't the interesting part.  In fact..this part is boring.

So the day goes on as usual.  They go to school, I go to work.  I drive home and pick up Little A from her Wednesday night daycare (Big A had went to a friends) and we head home.  At this point, Little A decides that being grounded is really not that fun and that I should reconsider and let her have a friend over.  My answer...no.  And I stood my ground..which I know a lot of you will find surprising..but I did.

What resulted after that was an hour of screaming, grabbing me around the legs, hitting me (oh yes she did), telling me I was mean and that she didn't like me.  Truly...it was an hour.  And fun...or not. 

So my friend Jen was going to come over that night to deliver a birthday present to me.  A wonderful fabulous birthday present of 15 different lip glosses..which is AWESOME.  Long story short..Jen comes over, I tell her she needs to accompany Little A and I to go pick up Big A and she agrees.  I GPS the address (hadn't been there before and boy do I wish I could change the GPS voice to an Australian male - if so I'd just drive around for hours...but I digress) and we pick up Big A.  Immediately upon Big A's entrance into the MomMobile, girlish screaming ensues..and wouldn't stop.  I believe we made Jen think twice about wanting a second child. 

Arrive home to sample lip glosses...of which my children put way too much on making them look like 80's video vixens...and then go to watch them show off their moves to Jen playing Just Dance 2.  About this time, D arrives homes with a bottle of something called Bitter Yuck.  Basically, it's a deterrent we spray on various household items to ensure that Mia (the puppy) will not chew on them.  In the past, we've had something called Bitter Apple but since he couldn't find that, he decided on Bitter Yuck.  So D starts spraying everything...the table legs, the chairs, the couch, the carpet...and within minutes, all of us are developing a strange bitter taste in the back of our throats.  Jen gets up with her sweater around her mouth and says she can taste it.  The girls have their faces all scrunched up and I'm sitting there like, "Good Lord...this is awful."  About two minutes later, Jen breathily declares that she has to go its so bad..and she literally puts her coat on with the speed of lightning and hightails it out the door.  At this point, D had the back door open and told me to leave the front door open.  The girls are wailing that they can't breathe (they could totally breathe..it just didn't "Taste" good).  We start lighting candles all over the house.

This story is getting long.  Stay with me though.  Its' worth it. 

The girls are upstairs, I ..being the one that can handle this type of stuff best in our house (true...ask anyone..I'm tough as nails) decide it's time to go sort the potential 57 loads of laundry that I have.  As I'm sitting there, D pulls out a box of stick matches and starts walking around the house waving them.  He finally comes down to me, lights a stick match and holds it up and starts talking to me.  About 23 seconds later, the fire detector right above his head and coincidenally..about a foot from the lit match goes off....and it's not a beep..it's more like a RAHHH, RAHHH, RAHHH!!!!!  I jump three feet and probably said an unsavory word or two, he stands there with a look on his face that can only be described as, "DER!" and makes the comment, "Maybe that wasn't the greatest idea," and goes upstairs to check on the girls.  I hear wailing from Big A and D asking, "Where's Little A?"  He comes down the stairs and Miss Little A enters the front door..from the outside..in her nightie...in tears.  This is the following conversation that ensued between D and Little A.

D:  What are you doing?
a:  I ran outside (sob).  I was scared. 
D:  Why?
a:  There was a fire alarm.  Is our house burning down?

Now...in reading this, it really doesn't "read" funny.  But in experiencing it....and being away from the action and not letting anyone see how I'm reacting (remember...I'm sorting laundry), I'm dying laughing.  Like...laughing so hard I'm crying.  Here's why:

a) Little A has apparently learned that when the fire alarm goes off, you go outside.  Thank you MW Savage her Kindergarten teacher for teaching her fire safety.  I now know that in a real emergency, my youngest tot knows what to do. 

b). The visual image of my baby scampering outside in socks and a nightie all by herself without saying a word...well, it simply slays me.  It's so dang cute, and so dang sweet and heck...she was all for saving herself. (no regards to her family or pets, but hey...she's six) and I couldnt' stop replaying that image in my mind.  And it cracked me up.  My baby ran outside in the dark.  I know that doesn't read well and is probably not nearly as funny as it was to me..but I literally laughed for 20 minutes.  Silently of course.  And I think it was all the tone of her voice that did me in.  It was drama...and D being the fire detector starter was trying to be the big hero and talking to her in a bid "dad" voice and for some reason, it all just struck me as very comical. 

I know...weird sense of humor.  Just know that when I told people over the phone later, they laughed as hard as I did. 

To sum up...the girls go to bed, D decides maybe he should eat something and goes to get a pizza from downstairs.  After doctoring up his pizza with some extra ham and cheese, he looks at me and says, "I don't think I can eat this."  See...the Bitter Yuck apparently doesn't wash off easily.  And since he was the "sprayer", his fingers were covered in it.  I took a piece of ham off the pizza to sample it and ...Holy Mother of Mary....my mouth was filled with Yuck.  His Yucky fingers had contaminated the whole frozen pizza.  Alas,....it was not to be saved and after careful consideration, determined it was not edible.  He wanted pizza so I got another one and it was determined that I needed to make it since after 13 washings of his hands, they were still Yucky.

So I did.  I made his pizza and he ate with gloves on.  (Okay..he didn't..but he ate very delicately). 

Let's just say this...Mia won't be chewing on anything for a long time and the next time she does and the Bitter Yuck needs to be pulled out....we're all wearing HazMat suits. 

A typical day at the Days...really...there's never a dull moment.